Finding comfort in your insecurities
Thinking back, I think I've been consciously trying to combat the things that makes me insecure or nervous a lot. The reason I started Life of Strays was because I was scared that I have lost myself, the competitive and leader side of me, at the same time I'm also terrified of being judges as someone who claims to love animals but did nothing to change anything at all. I started my Youtube videos because I want to be charismatic and confident when I talk about things that I love. I started being more daring to love the things I love without caring if others were with me or not, because I'm afraid that I keep holding back, eventually I would graduate as the same old me that I wasn't proud of as when I came into university.
I love a lot of things, from all kinda of genre. Comedy, medical, arts, psychology, physics, philosophy, anthropology, performing, cooking, chemistry, pottery, sewing. I would say that the only few things that doesn't really interest me is finance and economy. If I could, I would want to master all of the things that I am interested in. And I could, because I happen to have the gift of being able to master most things more than the general public.
But it's also my curse that I will never truly be the master of anything. I am never in any field, the best of the best. I used to have so much resentment towards this. Because I love to be admired, to be in the limelight, but this curse renders me always the noticeable one, but not the chosen one.
But I've learn to be okay with that. As long I keep being better and better. Working with dogs in SPCA and having people who works with dogs tell me that I would be a good dog psychologist is equally as rewarding. Seeing yourself being able to look comfortably into the camera while doing a video after practicing stage play with strangers whom you need to look into their eyes like your partner helps. Seeing your body change as you work out helps you break any stigma that you can't change your life with effort. Having a sense of humour in life makes you more of a pleasure to be with.
I'm happy for the days where I was challenged to be a better self. I see myself grow in the least expected way. And I hope we would have more of these, for everyone, everyday.
I love a lot of things, from all kinda of genre. Comedy, medical, arts, psychology, physics, philosophy, anthropology, performing, cooking, chemistry, pottery, sewing. I would say that the only few things that doesn't really interest me is finance and economy. If I could, I would want to master all of the things that I am interested in. And I could, because I happen to have the gift of being able to master most things more than the general public.
But it's also my curse that I will never truly be the master of anything. I am never in any field, the best of the best. I used to have so much resentment towards this. Because I love to be admired, to be in the limelight, but this curse renders me always the noticeable one, but not the chosen one.
But I've learn to be okay with that. As long I keep being better and better. Working with dogs in SPCA and having people who works with dogs tell me that I would be a good dog psychologist is equally as rewarding. Seeing yourself being able to look comfortably into the camera while doing a video after practicing stage play with strangers whom you need to look into their eyes like your partner helps. Seeing your body change as you work out helps you break any stigma that you can't change your life with effort. Having a sense of humour in life makes you more of a pleasure to be with.
I'm happy for the days where I was challenged to be a better self. I see myself grow in the least expected way. And I hope we would have more of these, for everyone, everyday.
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