Officially employed!
Hi everyone, I am back! Yes I am finally employed after graduating since August (from the time my internship ends). So from August to February, I guess it took me 6 months to get out of my holiday mood and get a job, falls right into the statistic that graduates takes around 6 months to get a job. I think they didn't consider that a huge part is due to our laziness.
Anyway, I am now a course trainer. No, not a dog trainer yet, but I will be working towards that too. So mainly my company is more of a social enterprise, and we take up CSR projects with larger company for funds and we conduct the training on financial literacy and entrepreneurship. So where is the CSR component? Well, this company is built on the belief that to bring people out to poverty, we have to empower them with knowledge, sense of ownership and motivation. That's where we come in as trainer. It's our job to build all these in young adults, teens and also marginalized and poor community. We work with school, universities, OKU groups etc., and soon it will expand even more, and that's what gives me a job. Because work needs to be done.
I really like the company culture too. It's super diverse, yet being there you hardly notice race. It's important to speak in a language that everyone understands, even if the person is not in that conversation. And thankfully everyone's English was pretty good, I'm improving my Malay as well. So all is good. But unfortunately, it's not a good place to be if you want to diet, because there's always food lying around. Temptation is hard. However in a few ways, I feel I still have difficulties socializing with the real adults, you know? Those have been working for years and are fully functioning and capable adults? I am still learning how to be independent and manage financial stress, and a huge part of me is still yearning to go back to my simple days of being in the forest, playing with dogs, being the dai kar jeh in my gang. I miss being smart and liked and relatable. As working adult, your time is mostly occupied by work. In my case, I have to go to trainings on most weekends. Even if I get time off, I feel like sleeping and giving myself a break, thus making no progress in my hobbies. Sometimes it makes me have identity crisis not being able to do all those things that I used to do and enjoy and associate with.
But I guess it's still better than not working.
I was so depressed when I was just at home. Looking for jobs gives me anxiety, because I know if a job isn't what I wanted, the feeling of quitting quickly gets overwhelming, and that's the last thing I want to do. I don't want to be the millennials that are flaky and too pampered to hold a job, even though that's what all adults are telling me, that it's okay to quit a job when you started working there for weeks or months, you won't know what's wrong until you're in the company. But this job searching is agony, I don't want to go through it again. I don't like applying for multiply jobs and only to get all of the reply at the same time, forcing me having to tell them I want to work with them only to eat my own words and reject their offer. Though something that boosted my confidence a little was I was hardly rejected once I was offered an interview.
Either way, it was still bad. I had so much guilt staying at home. I know my parents and my sisters are getting annoyed seeing me at home doing nothing, when I am actually looking through jobstreet everyday hoping a job that I like would show. I know I could have been more help at home during that times, but I think one of the thing people don't realize is how demotivated it is to be depressed. There were days were I just don't feel like doing anything whatsoever for the whole day, even week. I was getting backaches from lying down too much and getting fat and I know I should just exercise or do something, but at the back of my head was a voice keep saying "what's the point?". I really wanted to get out of the house, at least to escape the feeling that my family are getting annoyed with me, but the guilt of spending every penny was too, overwhelming. Even eating the most simple lunch outside makes me feel guilty. I often had anxiety attack over my money from working with SPCA diminishing and feeling so inferior to all of my friends that already had good paying jobs, while I can't get a job and I'm the picky millennial that couldn't get a job because she's too good for anything.
During those times I really contemplate, is that how life was for my mom? Probably not the same concern, but being so cut off from society, it drives one mad. Now that I'm working, I really try to give my mom more attention when I'm talking to her. I'm glad that she's more happy nowadays than she was years ago.
But either way, there's good and bad when it comes to working. Good: I get paid, for talking, and fed well, and less guilt, and feeling more of a functional unit at home or in the society. Bad: I don't have time to do what I like, and I still get stress managing my financial. Oh well, that's just life.
Anyway, I am now a course trainer. No, not a dog trainer yet, but I will be working towards that too. So mainly my company is more of a social enterprise, and we take up CSR projects with larger company for funds and we conduct the training on financial literacy and entrepreneurship. So where is the CSR component? Well, this company is built on the belief that to bring people out to poverty, we have to empower them with knowledge, sense of ownership and motivation. That's where we come in as trainer. It's our job to build all these in young adults, teens and also marginalized and poor community. We work with school, universities, OKU groups etc., and soon it will expand even more, and that's what gives me a job. Because work needs to be done.
I really like the company culture too. It's super diverse, yet being there you hardly notice race. It's important to speak in a language that everyone understands, even if the person is not in that conversation. And thankfully everyone's English was pretty good, I'm improving my Malay as well. So all is good. But unfortunately, it's not a good place to be if you want to diet, because there's always food lying around. Temptation is hard. However in a few ways, I feel I still have difficulties socializing with the real adults, you know? Those have been working for years and are fully functioning and capable adults? I am still learning how to be independent and manage financial stress, and a huge part of me is still yearning to go back to my simple days of being in the forest, playing with dogs, being the dai kar jeh in my gang. I miss being smart and liked and relatable. As working adult, your time is mostly occupied by work. In my case, I have to go to trainings on most weekends. Even if I get time off, I feel like sleeping and giving myself a break, thus making no progress in my hobbies. Sometimes it makes me have identity crisis not being able to do all those things that I used to do and enjoy and associate with.
But I guess it's still better than not working.
I was so depressed when I was just at home. Looking for jobs gives me anxiety, because I know if a job isn't what I wanted, the feeling of quitting quickly gets overwhelming, and that's the last thing I want to do. I don't want to be the millennials that are flaky and too pampered to hold a job, even though that's what all adults are telling me, that it's okay to quit a job when you started working there for weeks or months, you won't know what's wrong until you're in the company. But this job searching is agony, I don't want to go through it again. I don't like applying for multiply jobs and only to get all of the reply at the same time, forcing me having to tell them I want to work with them only to eat my own words and reject their offer. Though something that boosted my confidence a little was I was hardly rejected once I was offered an interview.
Either way, it was still bad. I had so much guilt staying at home. I know my parents and my sisters are getting annoyed seeing me at home doing nothing, when I am actually looking through jobstreet everyday hoping a job that I like would show. I know I could have been more help at home during that times, but I think one of the thing people don't realize is how demotivated it is to be depressed. There were days were I just don't feel like doing anything whatsoever for the whole day, even week. I was getting backaches from lying down too much and getting fat and I know I should just exercise or do something, but at the back of my head was a voice keep saying "what's the point?". I really wanted to get out of the house, at least to escape the feeling that my family are getting annoyed with me, but the guilt of spending every penny was too, overwhelming. Even eating the most simple lunch outside makes me feel guilty. I often had anxiety attack over my money from working with SPCA diminishing and feeling so inferior to all of my friends that already had good paying jobs, while I can't get a job and I'm the picky millennial that couldn't get a job because she's too good for anything.
During those times I really contemplate, is that how life was for my mom? Probably not the same concern, but being so cut off from society, it drives one mad. Now that I'm working, I really try to give my mom more attention when I'm talking to her. I'm glad that she's more happy nowadays than she was years ago.
But either way, there's good and bad when it comes to working. Good: I get paid, for talking, and fed well, and less guilt, and feeling more of a functional unit at home or in the society. Bad: I don't have time to do what I like, and I still get stress managing my financial. Oh well, that's just life.
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