Shame

Who have been asked before what is your most shameful memory or experience? Well, I have, but most of the time I lied or just refuse to say anything. So today, I think it's time for me to face my shame.

It happened when I was in standard 2. The teacher wasn't my usual teacher. My usual teacher wasn't available that day. I used to admire this teacher, well because he was one of the younger teacher at my school that time. But not anymore after this.

He was giving our work books back. He thought that he was very funny and at that time, I thought so too. He was calling people funny names, and have them to come out and get their books. I remember that time he call Tatiana T.T., that's why Tash end up having toilet tissue as her nickname.

So I tried to be funny, I hid under the table waiting for my turn and finally it came, which I now I wished that teacher lost my book that time. I crawled out from my table and towards him to get my book. But when I went there he refuse to give me my book. Then he said,"Why are you crawling? Are you a dog? My class don't have a dog. And a dog don't need this book."

All I wanted to do was entertain my classmate as what he was doing! And how can a TEACHER talk to a 8 year old like that?! From that moment I hate this teacher like hell.

The class when from noisy to silent, everyone know something is terribly wrong. He finally gave me my book back and I walk to my sit and sat down. I acted as if I was looking for something in my beg while I cried(I have a habit of this during primary school, until I know that people knows that I am crying while I'm doing that). I can't remember if the class continued to laugh.

So until now I sometimes feels a bit odd when people say things like "I'm your dog.=)" although I know perfectly that they are joking. And I kind of blame this teacher that I don't really dare to be funny anymore until these few years.

These might be nothing to some people but this is really a big thing for me. For this to happen to me at what I consider to be my most unstable age leaves a really big mark. To be honest I'm crying now cause this really hurts. And the reason for me to write this here is to remove that mark. Maybe if I know that someone out there understand how I felt, I can face this memory again and again without shame.

This is not my fault. ;)